Category: Practical

Our most popular service is the Joy Audit, a one hour assessment of your home in which Master Oolong walks from room to room, pausing at each object. He does not speak. He looks. If he blinks slowly, the object sparks joy and is safe. If he stares, the object is under review. If he yawns, the object is already gone.

At the end, you receive a report, written by Bao in careful pawprint. It lists each object, its rating, and a recommendation. Typical results include: lamp, keep. Vase, doubtful. Chair, sat on. Clock, fate unclear.

The audit costs $29. A follow up audit is free if you are able to say what the clock was for.

Once a year, our entire team takes part in a day of mindful knocking. We gather at dawn in the Mantel Studio. We sit in a circle. Master Oolong rings a small bell, and each of us is given a single object, which we hold in our attention for one hour.

At the second bell, we release them. All at once. The sound is like a rain of small bells, and for a moment, nobody breathes. Then Bao sneezes, and the spell is broken.

We spend the afternoon in conversation. We discuss what we released, and what we hope to release in the year ahead. This year the answers included a stapler, a trophy and, in Bao’s case, a sense of shame.

We are asked this often. The answer is: wear nothing that might be knocked off. This includes jewelry, scarves with dangling ends, and glasses perched on the nose, which we regard as a shelf like any other.

Choose soft colors. Gray, oatmeal, pale blue. Avoid red, which excites the apprentices. Avoid stripes, which they follow. Avoid anything with a tassel, because Bao will wait for you to look away.

Please remove your shoes at the door. The floor is the place of arrival, and we respect it. Bring only yourself, a clear intention, and perhaps a small cloth for your tears. Tea will be provided. Tea may also be released.