Master Oolong is nine years old, gray as a rain cloud, and has not been seen to hurry since 2019. He trained under a retired lighthouse cat in a coastal town whose name he refuses to reveal. He says only that the sea taught him patience and the lamp taught him edges.
He speaks three words a day. They are usually ‘No.’ ‘Here.’ and ‘Now.’ Clients find this deeply comforting, or deeply alarming, depending on how much is on the shelf.
His signature technique is the Slow Tap. A single claw is placed against the item. The item is considered. The item is released. Many clients cry. Master Oolong accepts this as a form of applause.
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